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Greg Brothers is an Adventist pastor in Oregon.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Fragment of a manuscript recently discovered on Mt. Ararat

. . . Treasurer’s Report was accepted as read.

Old Business:

Voted to table the Interim Report from the 2448 BC Study Committee (2448SC) until the next meeting, in as much as the Committee’s chairman has been stepped on by a wooly mammoth.

Voted to send a card expressing our sympathy to his widow.

Voted to accept the report from the Sub-Committee on Grammar, Punctuation, and Cleaning Supplies (SCoGPaCS) on the Revised Statement of Practices and Beliefs (RSPaB). As it now stands, the RSPaB reads:

  • Whereas God directed His people to build an ark . . .
  • And whereas God’s people put a lot of time, thought, and money into building that ark . . .
  • And even more whereas that same ark carried God’s people to safety during the Great Flood of recent memory . . .
  • And an extra-special whereas it is still too soon to determine the truth of reports to the effect that the ark has grounded on the mountains of Ararat, the Flood waters have receded, and God has opened the door of the ark and commanded us all to leave . . .
  • And a really important whereas it would make no sense for God to command us all to leave the very same ark that He'd once told us to enter . . .
  • Therefore, it is RESOLVED by the True Friends of Noah’s Ark (Third-floor, Starboard Side) that we should continue living in the ark.
Voted to table the report from the Committee That's Supposed to Try and Figure Out Where All the Animals Have Gone (CTStTaFOWAtAHG).

New Business:

Voted to establish a Committee on Outreach to Those Now Living on the Plains of Shinar (CoOtTNLotPoS) to invite them all to rejoin us here on the ark.

Voted to establish an Advisory Council on Decks, Railings, and Bulkheads (ACoDRaB) to see if the current structure of the ark may need updating.

Voted to establish a Special Commission to Determine Why So Many of Our Youth Are Leaving the Ark (SCtDWSMoOYALtA) . . .

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